No friends in high school: Is this normal?

Navigating the turbulent waters of teenage social dynamics can be challenging for both parents and their children. As a teen therapist, I often encounter parents asking questions like, “Why does my 16-year-old have no friends? My daughter has no friends in high school — what do I do? Is it normal for a 15-year-old to have no friends?” 

If you find yourself troubled by your teen’s social struggles, know that you're not alone. Many parents have stood in your shoes, worrying over their teen's lack of friendships, only to see them flourish into happy, socially connected adults.

In this article, I draw on my professional experience to shed light on teenage friendships (or the lack thereof). We'll explore the nuances of what constitutes "normal" social interactions during these formative years, the implications of limited social connections, and why today's teens might find it particularly challenging to forge meaningful friendships. 

Most importantly, I will share effective strategies to support your teenager in broadening their social horizons. 

Is it normal to have no friends in high school? 

Many parents find themselves concerned when they observe their teenager navigating high school without a close circle of friends, questioning if this is a common scenario or if it's something to worry about.

As a starting point, we can look to research, such as the 2018 national survey by the Pew Research Center, which found that only about 2% of teens reported having no friends, suggesting that having at least one close friend is the overwhelming norm among teenagers. 

However, since the survey relies on self-reporting, there's room for discrepancies based on how teenagers perceive and divulge their own social connections. Teens might not be 100% honest about their friendships, so I recommend taking surveys like these with a grain of salt.

Something else to consider is the rising rates of loneliness among teens, as reported by EdWeek in 2023. The trend of increasing loneliness year over year for the past decade suggests that while not having friends might be uncommon, feeling lonely is not. This distinction is crucial, as it underscores the difference between the physical presence of peers and the emotional connections that define friendship.

Ultimately, I’d like to answer the question of normalcy with this: while the data provides a snapshot of teen social life on a broad scale, the individual experiences of each teenager are what truly define the need for concern or intervention. 

This brings us to the real question: Is it okay for your teen to have no friends? How worried should you be? 

Is it okay to have no friends in high school?

Maybe you’re already recognizing signs of low self-esteem, social anxiety, or isolation in your teenager due to their lack of friendship, this can be doubly concerning.

Or maybe your teen seems okay at home. But you’ve noticed they never hang out with anyone after school or seem to be invited anywhere by peers. And you’re wondering: how much of an impact will this have?

Is having no friends in high school bad?

The research on the positive benefits of friendships when you’re a teen is clear: teens with high-quality friendships display fewer depressive symptoms, more optimistic outlooks, a greater degree of happiness, and even better immune systems. 

Additionally, high-quality friendships seem to improve teens’ performance in school; specifically, friendship is correlated with autonomous motivation, the intrinsic drive to learn because you enjoy it rather than participating in schoolwork because of obligation. 

So, the data seems to bear out what we feel intuitively: it’s not ideal to have no friends, especially during the tumultuous years of high school. 

However, the emphasis across most of the research is on the quality of friendships rather than the quantity. A teenager might not have a wide social circle but can still experience the profound benefits of friendship through deep connections with just one or two peers. So, fulfilling social needs doesn't necessarily require a large group of friends; rather, meaningful, quality relationships are key. The social gap your teen is facing is not as big as you think! 

As a parent, I encourage you to focus on facilitating opportunities for your teen to form these valuable connections, rather than fixating on the number of friends they have.

Why is making friends in high school hard, today? 

Every generation experiences adolescence as challenging socially. When we’re teens, we’re just beginning to individuate from our parents, seeking more validation and connection from people our age outside the family. Because of this, making friends can feel more urgent and critical than it did when we were younger. And that added pressure can make things worse! 

However, there’s a good reason to suspect that today’s teens are facing more obstacles to friendship than earlier generations. Here’s what I see affecting the teen clients in my practice: 

• The COVID-19 pandemic. The necessary health restrictions dramatically reduced in-person gatherings, limiting the natural opportunities for teens to meet and bond through everyday encounters and activities. This period of isolation has had a lasting impact, even as the world slowly returns to normalcy, by disrupting the development of social skills and reducing the number of contexts in which friendships can flourish organically.

• The rise of social media. While platforms like TikTok do offer some opportunities for connection, the relationships cultivated online often lack the depth of those formed through “IRL” (in real life) interactions. Social media can also exacerbate feelings of exclusion and inadequacy, as teens compare their lived realities to the curated highlight reels of their peers.
  
  
  

• The competitive landscape of academics and extracurricular activities. The pressure to excel in every arena can lead to overscheduling and stress, leaving little room for the growth of friendships. 

As a parent, it’s key to understand what your teens are up against — things are different from when you were in high school, and it may be harder for your child than it was for you to make friends. That’s not to say there aren’t ways you can help them, though…

How to help your teenager make friends 

You want to help your teen have a positive high school experience, and that’s admirable. Here are a few strategies that I recommend to help your teen make friends:

1. Talk to your teen about what’s going on 

Rather than jumping into “fixer” mode, see if you can get your teenager to talk to you about friendship and their high school experience.

Unlike when they were younger, your teenager’s social life does not happen right under your nose (scheduled playdates, supervised playground romps, etc). So you may not be aware of what’s contributing to your teen’s lack of friendship, which could include: 

• A falling out with old friends

• Bullying (physical, online, or rumors and gossip)

• Low self-esteem 

• Social anxiety

• Other mental health issues 

At the very least, talking to your teen about their friendships will help you provide more targeted advice and deepen your connection to them. But it could also be the key to nipping a serious situation in the bud before more harm occurs (such as in the case of bullying or mental health issues). 

If your teen won’t open up to you, it’s time to find a teen therapist they might feel more comfortable talking to. 

2. Make sure they’re involved in their school 

If your teen’s only chance to make friends is during class, that’s pretty limiting. So, if they’re not already, encourage them to join an extracurricular or two. For example: 

• Trying out for a sports team 

• Joining a club 

• Auditioning for a theater production 

• Tutoring other students 

Sometimes, my teen clients have tried one thing and not enjoyed it, so they end up with no school involvement. I encourage you to gently nudge them to try something else (a different sport, a new club, a play instead of a musical…).  

3. Facilitate opportunities to make friends outside of school

High school is not the only place for your teen to make friends. 

Sometimes (especially if your teen’s school is small), teenagers just don’t feel like they belong with their classmates. So, providing opportunities for them to meet other kids their age and fulfill their social needs outside of school can be massively beneficial. 

Common places to meet friends outside of high school include: 

• Joining recreational or competitive sports teams (not including school teams)

• Participating in community theater 

• Taking classes related to their passions (art classes, drama classes, yoga classes) 

• Becoming involved in local activist groups 

4. Encourage them to get a part time job 

Getting a part-time job is my go-to suggestion if you think your teen would resist being explicitly encouraged to make new friends or socialize. Suggest your teen get a part-time job as a way to make their own money and learn real-world skills. But as a bonus, they’ll be exposed to a new pool of peers that they’ll be spending prolonged time around — outside the pressures and existing social strata of their high school. 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen teens with very few or no friends get a job and over time cultivate a new group of friends or a few friends they enjoy being around. An added bonus is that they are learning social skills and norms at the same time!  

5. Introduce them to your friends’ families 

One of the easiest pathways to new friendships is through existing connections. If possible, arrange gatherings with friends who have children around the same age as your teenager. 

Often, these informal settings can naturally lead to friendships, as teens find common ground and interests. One new friendship can open the door to further social opportunities, expanding your teen's circle of friends through mutual connections.

Teen with no friends? Don’t panic, but don’t ignore it either. 

If your teen is facing high school without friends, approach the situation with a balanced mix of concern and optimism. 

By offering your understanding, support, and encouragement, you can help your teenager build the confidence and skills needed to forge meaningful connections. Remember, the journey to finding and making friends is unique for each person, but with the right support, every teen has the potential to develop fulfilling and lasting friendships.

A teen therapist can help 

If, despite your efforts, your teenager continues to face challenges in building social connections, it may be time to consider professional support.

A teen therapist like me specializes in understanding the unique challenges and pressures faced by adolescents, including those related to socialization. We can provide a safe, supportive environment where your teen can freely express their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. 

This open dialogue is crucial for identifying the root causes of their social struggles, whether they stem from anxiety, low self-esteem, past traumatic events, or other psychological hurdles. Additionally, a therapist can help your teenager build confidence, improve communication skills, and navigate social situations with more ease.

Finally, therapy can offer your teen the perspective that they are not alone — which may be more meaningful coming from an adult who isn’t their parent. If you live in New York, book a free consultation call with me to see if I could be the right therapist for your teenager.